Its been 6 years and this is the first time i look back at that day in my life. Where it all changed. All the innocence i had was lost. It was the first time i have showed any real emotion. I remember it like it was yesterday but i havent thought about it since then. I cried for 3hours, cried myself to sleep for the first time the night before. And why is it on my mind now 6 years later i wondered. Only now i realise its because the lessons i should have learned that one day i didnt, really learn. I never admit to being wrong, but this time im truly sorry. It should have been an eye opener, showing me how to live yet it did nothing. Its giving me an opportunity to change again. But im not sure that i can. because it involves giving up alot of good friends, for a while. It will be a good way to distuingish between real friends and everyone else,  am i ready to make that commitment...

Current Mood: confused

im hallunicating, its fucked up.I havent had much sleep in 4days, but no drink or smokeys today. Its messed up ardy and charlie are screwing with my mind. btw they are green blobs that talk to me. their on the screen now. Their talking about an english girl and dogs, god knows why. Asad is telling me to go sleep ill take his advice cause i know this is messed up. btw can i get a pet rat that talks? i really want one, its not too much t ask

And who am I to tell you that I would never let you down
That no-one else could love you half as much as I do now
And who am I to tell you I'll always catch you when you fall
Well I, I wouldn't be myself at all
I wouldn't be myself at all, at all.

I always find a reason why I didn't put you first
It's not that complicated I know
I really hate it when you shake your head like this ain't gonna work
Maybe you'll never reap what you sow

I didn't want to do what everybody does
And hide the truth to find we never knew a thing about love
Cos this is real life, real love
And knowing what it comes down too
It just might be enough

Great song!

Current Mood: calm

I hate u people. MAking me feel bad for not comming to see you. If u miss me so much u should come and see me. Dnt tell me, that u dnt wanna keep in touch cause u miss me more then. Fucking come and see me. U gt problems. Oh yeah uni is fun. Its different to how i expected. Oh well life continues... GO TOSS UR SALAD (btw this dosent mean what u think it means, its something far more disturbing SERIOSULY its something too wild for even my imignation, it involves someting spreadable..

Laters smelly people

Current Mood: guilty

Random events:
Parents bought me a car out of no where :D  
I met my neice shes beautiful and tall, and loveley and shes only 6months old. Cant wait till shes a bit older. Poor girl teething crying all the time. :(.
Beer is good :D

This is what happened at kingston uni in the first 4 days. We have been doing random shit for the last 7 years, but this is reaching new levels even for us. First ill explane the people.

Jena- hes the party man, if theres a party hell be there. Cool guy, ive really gt to know him over the past few days.
JItesh- the wanker, my new wing man - hes shit at his job so far cant do anything. He jus show up and we chat about stupid shit for hours on end. (the new fatty skinny he wants to be fatty as it sounds loveable too bad he can never be fatty)
Jason- hes funny, gets  rejected by alot of girls, hes sucking a choclate condom rite now i guess (long story)
SEAN ALLEN- I dnt have to say anymore we all know how nice this guy is.
Matthew P- If u don't know him uve missed out. Hes too much.
Prashant- Hes funny.
Leon- great guy but has complained too much recently
Franz- When hes there hes funny, but hes not around too much

Thats all the old people. There are loads of new people ive meet heres a few of them

Ricky- hes from hounslow. He buns everyday before he comes to uni. (bunning is getting hich smoking if u dnt know). Hes the new mahuel.
Chris- hes the new luke, u know hes violent
4 asian guys - I met then b4 the treasure hunt i know its fucking random. It was soo jokes though had a good day
the girl from brunel - she wanted me to go back with her to brunel and check out their club, she was pretty hot.
The girl from the oceana bar- She was well nice. 2nd year student, had a nice chat with her, great night, i will never have a better one
The girl that boid me- Well there was this girl sitting in the SU bar on her own for like an hour no one had even talked to her. So i thought id be nice and see if she was ok. I ask he if shes ok she jus replies yeah im wating for some friends. I ask her whats she studying where shes from and after that she dosent really say much. Like she dosent really know how to talk to people. I hope she dies anyway.
Konstantine- yea hes the new pavlo. but not as hench
3 girls- i dnt really know them that well, i was too wasted to know, but they made me get on some next bus.And i think they looked after me while i was fucked. I need to find them so i can find out wtf i did.
There are others but i cant remember rite now.
And while life is busy and crazy here i get calls from mahuel for at least an hour a day saying hes bored. Poor guy. i miss him and pavlo soo much. Pavlo hurry up and get back so we can have our talks again, i really miss them.

Day one
First day as freshers. The fair was sick. loads of carnival rides, popcorn, candyfloss. We found the student bar. Made some new friends. The bar is really nice, there is a subway a 2second walk from the bar. Ill take some of u there one day if i deem u worthy.

Day 2:
Early start at the bar. Opens at 8 :D. sick for me. Gt tipsy b4 a lecture it really helped. man he was booring.
Tehn dranki more had subway.
Went krispy kerme had 4 donuts OMG TOOOOOOOOO MUCH
went tesco had chicken and juice
gt home late

Day 3:
To be continued... Im tired and day 3 is the intresting one where i lose 2hours of my life and almost die. Thank god for alchol ill need more to forget this shit. :D

Current Location: HOME SEET FUCKING HOME
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: akon - sorry blame it on me

LJ is dead fuck this bull shit. And keep writing about ur shitty days. It makes mine seem even better :D. Although im nackerd and gonna die of sleep deprevation (wahoo!). At least i went out with a bang. And ive drank at least 2pints a day since i started uni. This is during the day ime inbetween and b4 lectures, on an empty stomach.And ive lost track of how much money ive spent on pool already, i think for a £5 they should give us the table for the day. Damm student bars opening at 9. Too much to write too little time. So bye smelly people

Current Mood: drunk

Ok so to begin with none of you will really understand this. But here it goes anyway.

So last week on results day i gt a text from my cousin sister id read: "hey mahul, i wish u all the best in the future. good luck. bye" This sort of implyed ill never see here again. We grew up together shes the closest thing i have to a real sister. And for my whole life ive called her my sister, if i called her my parents would say shes not ur cousin shes ur sister. My parents brought her up, she grew up with me and she dose that.

So on tuesday it was raksha bandan. basically this is a day when your sister comes to see you and ties some string around your right hand, gives u some sweets in return for some money. Its basically a day to show siblings love each other. All my life shes come on that day, how ever out of the way i am. (she would travel from uni in portsmouth if needed) This year she didnt. She put a letter though my door with a card and the string. The thing is the stamp wasent even stamped which ment she posted it though my door herself. I mean she lives a 10min drive away. Now i havent done anything bad to her, we always said what ever went on between older people in our family wouldent effect us but now i dnt care. I helped till 2am everyday at her wedding (2weeks wil barley any sleep) shes the only girl really in my *direct family* so i helped didnt question it. Now i dnt consider her part of my family. I know they had a huge fight at the wedding, but it shouldent effect us.  I dnt think ill talk to her again now, but i dnt know what ive done wrong to her.

Oh well theres the story of the loss of my only sister. If she dosent have time for me then i dnt have time for her.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: peope should smile more - newton falkner

I have come to the conclusion i have been posioned. Pavlos cousin force feed us beetroot soup. Not my pee is very dark yellow. And smalls more. Im scared.

Oh well im gonna go drink some jack daniels :-)  The bottles almost empty. :'(, omg made in 1966 fuck this is old. The smell is soo strong. :), im gonna go sleep. night night

EDIT: Im blaming the jack daniels for being unable to type or read last night

Im not the person ive been lately.
Ive found myself wishing alot more often than before
and suprisingly none of them are selfish
people around me have gone through a lot lately
their lives don't seem to be getting any better
there are some things i still can't get over, but i guess it will take time.
Nothing bad has happened to me lately, lifes been treating me well
i find my self questioning god, what right dose he have to take a life
especially when it was impossible for that person to do anything wrong
oh well what can i do, everything has jus fallen into place for me
Im going to work hard from now on, take every opportunity that comes my way
its time i grow up and appreicate everyhitng i have,
mabey say thank you alot more.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: roses - feeling